My Inner P!nk!

Hello! Just thought I'd throw another band update at you guys. Things have been going really well! J,B, and I have been playing together for about a month now! We've been working on a handful of songs, one of which we finished last night. I can't wait to record that puppy! Great sound! Fantastic guitar! Whew! I'm super excited! Could be because I'm working on barely any sleep, lots of coffee, and lots of loud music. Who knows?! Anyways, back to the band. Things are feeling really good, flowing well, and for the first time in a long time looking positive.

In general I have been writing a lot more lately. I have always had this thing where I am constantly thinking of song ideas. Sometimes it's just lyrics, sometimes it's just music, and sometimes it's both together. Because I can't spend every second with a pen and paper in my hands, I often find new ways to jot down these lovely ideas. I guess I realized that I was missing out on writing down at least half of the song ideas I come up with. So far, I've texted myself, recorded random stuff on my phone, and I even bought some new colorful pens and a few little notebooks to keep in my purse. Yes, these do seem like obvious solutions, but when you have song ideas constantly roaming around in your head, all you can think is, "I hope I don't forget that one!"

I have been going through a lot of emotional stuff lately. Mostly family stuff. Let's just say that in my family I'm the outcast, the black sheep, the one that doesn't belong in those random pictures with a row of four triangles and one circle. It's true. I don't mind admitting it. Also, it has been a crazy few months for me and looking back I realize how much I have changed. For example, I have changed my attitude on certain things; what I want for myself, for my life, for my career. I feel like I've grown up a lot over the past few months and I'm really trying to focus on what's good for me and not for anybody else. I know a few months does not seem like so much time, but like I said, it has been a crazy few months. I need to be happy. To be who I am without worrying about what other people think. I don't know what it is exactly. Not that I'm trying to be mean, but I've just stopped caring about certain things. I've taken on this attitude of "This is me and I don't care if you get it or not" and although, like I said, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just tired of worrying about who other people think I should be, what other people think I should do, and what other people think I should want. Wow, it feels nice.

All of this change has been great for my music. It has really allowed me to push forward. To say, "This is what I want for my music. Are you in or are you out?!" without apologizing for every little thing. In an interview in the late 90's, Zac Hanson was quoted saying, "I think everybody's tired of being sad." I think he's right. I realized that while I was doing all that I could to make other people happy, I was really just making myself unhappy. I already see a change in the decisions I've made for my music and how I plan on pursuing a career in music.

I don't know what has come over me. Maybe it's inspiration from one of my favorite artists, P!nk? In the band we like to call it My Inner P!nk. Maybe it's the realization that if I don't do it for myself, nobody's going to do it for me? Maybe it's just like Kate Winslet says in the movie The Holiday, "I don't know. But I think what I've got is something slightly resembling, gumption." Who knows. But I actually kind of like it.