AbbyFeferman.com

Hello! I know it has been a long time since my last post. I always say that I am going to try to update more and then a few months later I actually update. Well, here I am again. Updating and hoping that I will update more often. I really need to work on this whole blogging thing. I am so much better with songwriting. Haha. :-)

On to some music updates. I have been working on a website through which I can sell and help promote my music to you and to the rest of the lovely world. I am excited to announce that my website is finally up and running! Whew! I thought it was going to be ready a few weeks ago, but I was changing a few little things. It is not completely ready yet, but it is a good start! I say that it is not completely ready yet only because I am going to be updating it a lot over the next couple of weeks. I am hoping to add more photos, music, and some other fun stuff! Please check it out at Abby Feferman Music! Look around, listen to some music, and make yourself at home! Please feel free to email me with any comments/suggestions/feedback. I am open to everything and anything! Please check back on my website and of course, here for more updates. Peace, Love, Music.

My Inner P!nk!

Hello! Just thought I'd throw another band update at you guys. Things have been going really well! J,B, and I have been playing together for about a month now! We've been working on a handful of songs, one of which we finished last night. I can't wait to record that puppy! Great sound! Fantastic guitar! Whew! I'm super excited! Could be because I'm working on barely any sleep, lots of coffee, and lots of loud music. Who knows?! Anyways, back to the band. Things are feeling really good, flowing well, and for the first time in a long time looking positive.

In general I have been writing a lot more lately. I have always had this thing where I am constantly thinking of song ideas. Sometimes it's just lyrics, sometimes it's just music, and sometimes it's both together. Because I can't spend every second with a pen and paper in my hands, I often find new ways to jot down these lovely ideas. I guess I realized that I was missing out on writing down at least half of the song ideas I come up with. So far, I've texted myself, recorded random stuff on my phone, and I even bought some new colorful pens and a few little notebooks to keep in my purse. Yes, these do seem like obvious solutions, but when you have song ideas constantly roaming around in your head, all you can think is, "I hope I don't forget that one!"

I have been going through a lot of emotional stuff lately. Mostly family stuff. Let's just say that in my family I'm the outcast, the black sheep, the one that doesn't belong in those random pictures with a row of four triangles and one circle. It's true. I don't mind admitting it. Also, it has been a crazy few months for me and looking back I realize how much I have changed. For example, I have changed my attitude on certain things; what I want for myself, for my life, for my career. I feel like I've grown up a lot over the past few months and I'm really trying to focus on what's good for me and not for anybody else. I know a few months does not seem like so much time, but like I said, it has been a crazy few months. I need to be happy. To be who I am without worrying about what other people think. I don't know what it is exactly. Not that I'm trying to be mean, but I've just stopped caring about certain things. I've taken on this attitude of "This is me and I don't care if you get it or not" and although, like I said, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just tired of worrying about who other people think I should be, what other people think I should do, and what other people think I should want. Wow, it feels nice.

All of this change has been great for my music. It has really allowed me to push forward. To say, "This is what I want for my music. Are you in or are you out?!" without apologizing for every little thing. In an interview in the late 90's, Zac Hanson was quoted saying, "I think everybody's tired of being sad." I think he's right. I realized that while I was doing all that I could to make other people happy, I was really just making myself unhappy. I already see a change in the decisions I've made for my music and how I plan on pursuing a career in music.

I don't know what has come over me. Maybe it's inspiration from one of my favorite artists, P!nk? In the band we like to call it My Inner P!nk. Maybe it's the realization that if I don't do it for myself, nobody's going to do it for me? Maybe it's just like Kate Winslet says in the movie The Holiday, "I don't know. But I think what I've got is something slightly resembling, gumption." Who knows. But I actually kind of like it.

New Beginnings

Well, it has been a long time since my last post. I'm trying to update it more often. Wish me luck. I just thought I'd throw a little update your way on the whole band situation. As I mentioned in my last post I am trying to form a new band. I have kind of been in another band with my friend K for about a year now. We were together, then we took a break, then we tried to get back together. Basically, things were never really working out and I tried to push all the b.s. aside to try and make it work out. I was never really happy. I always felt like something was missing. And I knew I needed to make a change.

This is my dream were talking about. My dream of becoming a professional musician. Many musicians who wish to become famous, even I don't like using the "F" word sometimes, won't admit that they want it all. The fame, the fans, the fortune. Honestly, all I want to do is play music. Would I be happy if I was successful; playing shows a few nights a week at various bars all around the Midwest? I probably would be, but music is my number one passion. It's a passion so strong that it actually physically hurts me sometimes if I don't play guitar for a couple of days and I just need to play. However, I must admit, I do want it all. The fame, the fans, the fortune. I don't need a huge mansion, a dozen cars, and endless VMA after-parties. I want to write songs, record albums, tour the world in a bus. I want to perform songs and play in huge venues filled with music lovers. Most importantly, I want to spread my passion to the world, inspire others, and make a difference in somebody's life and perhaps in the world. Because I have experienced that beauty myself. That inspiration and that passion from other artists. I want to be able to play songs that people will listen to and think, "Wow, there's passion. That artist gets me. That artist has inspired me." Am I being selfish for wanting this? I don't know. Some will probably say yes. Some might say no. Everybody has a different dream. Different goals they hope to achieve no matter what they must do to get them.

A few weeks ago my friend, J and I met with a drummer to discuss this new band I am trying to form. I must admit, I was kind of nervous. Even though we met him in a public place, it's not every day you meet a stranger for coffee. He was a very normal person. He talked about his family, his job, and different experiences he's had as a drummer. He told us a lot of fun stories about the bands that he has worked with, the professional bands he met before they were really famous, and about how he would love to make music his main profession again. That night I was thinking about what to do next. He said I should call him or e mail him if and when I wanted to discuss anything more about this new band. We've e mailed back and forth a couple of times, but because I really don't know him, I didn't want to just invite him over to start jamming. I knew I had to find other musicians anyways to join this band. So I figured in the mean time I would keep looking and let him know when I find more people.

Last Summer (2008) J went on Birthright, an organization that takes groups to Israel for the first time. and met B, who lives about ten minutes away from my house. J has mentioned his name a few times over the past year and I was interested in meeting him. A few weeks ago J and I were talking outside my house in her car when she invited B to come and hang out with us. I'm usually shy when meeting new people and don't usually open up to people until I've known them for a little while. When he met us at my house J and I were talking about an issue I was having with a friend of mine. B, the friendly guy he is, jumped right in to the conversation. J and I have been best friends for a long time so I can talk with her about anything. It was nice because B and I were talking like we were old friends also. He seemed kind of familiar and not like a stranger I was meeting for the first time. It was really nice that the three of us were talking as if we always hang out together like that, when really that was the first time we had all been together.

We started talking about music, of course, and B said that he plays guitar and that he was playing in a band, but that he's looking for something else. I told him about how I am also looking to start something new, but that I am only looking for people who can really make a commitment to the band. He seemed interested and the subject kind of got left because I had to go home. The following week J, B, our friend M, and I went to play pool together. B and I started talking about this new band I am trying to form. He told me that he was very interested in being in this band. We talked a lot about our love for music and our goals and we really seemed to be on the same page. The following week J, B, D, maybe you remember him from my other posts, and I went to play pool together. B and I spent a lot of the night talking about the band. It was so refreshing to talk about the band with somebody who was really interested in it and actually excited about it. In the other band I was working with, everybody seemed interested, but people did not seem as dedicated to the band. It was as if we could be a band when it was convenient for everybody, there was not that real commitment there, and I had to push for practices. When I thought about working with B, I was happy. He has a great voice, amazing talent, and the passion is there. We have had three practices since them. So far, B and I write, sing, and play guitar. J is our drummer! Over the past couple of weeks, she has been learning to play the drums and she is doing an amazing job! It is really nice having J in the band also! Things are starting to make sense. I know we have a while to go before we can even play shows, but slowly the puzzle pieces are fitting together. Working with other singer/songwriter/musicians who can understand my passion, my blood, my everything, that is just amazing.

Taking A Chance

"But it don't even matter now cause the time has come, welcome to the world it'll let you down
The time has come for you to live it up let it go
Show them what you're made of
And we'll take our chances getting it wrong
And we'll take our chances." - "Take Our Chances" by Hanson

For almost a year now I have been trying to form a band with my friend K. We had been jamming together for only a few months when we decided to form a band. He would play lead guitar, I would play rhythm guitar, he has a friend, S who can play piano, and we have a mutual friend, G who plays the drums. We could all write and sing together. Things seemed great last Winter when we began discussing this idea.

I'll admit I was a little hesitant at first. I have been writing my own songs since I was around eight years old and I have been playing guitar for about ten years now. Until I began jamming with K, I had done almost every musical project solo. When K and I began jamming together a little over a year ago it took some getting used to, but we work pretty well together and we share a lot of the same goals for our music, which made things a lot easier.

I was happy. I felt like I could finally be successful with my music. Like somehow, being in a band, it would be easier to gain success than it would be to go at it alone. I don't know why. It just seemed that way. Also, for a long time I have wanted to form a band, but it was not easy to find other people to collaborate with. I really wanted to work with other musicians, especially those who have similar goals for their music as I do for my music. When K and I decided to form this band, I was feeling very hopeful. In college I tried to form other bands a couple of times and I always felt like I was waiting for somebody else. Waiting for them to commit to practicing. Waiting for them to decide whether or not they really wanted to be a part of the group. I wanted things to be different with K. I hoped they would be.

Things started out alright at first. We decided to hang out and get to know each other better as a group. K picked me up and then we got G and S and went to a bar to hang out and discuss random stuff about the band. Everything seemed to be going well. Over the next few weeks we managed to schedule in a couple of practices at my house and although we got along great something seemed to be missing. I felt kind of left out maybe. Like I was just sitting there and something felt off with the band. At times other people seemed to just be sitting there also, waiting for somebody to tell us when to jump in and where. I thought I just needed to get used to playing with other people. I was used to playing with K, but that was about it. I kept telling myself that the next practice would be better, that the first few practices are always awkward because everybody is getting to know each others musical styles. Then there was a lot of miscommunication. Things got awkward between some of us and we took a little break, though for some reason not everybody realized that we were on a break.

A few months later I began jamming with K again. It was just the two of us and it slowly started to feel comfortable again. We had a great relationship and when things got awkward with the band, things got awkward for me and K. I was glad that things were getting back to normal. I thought we could give the band another try, but after discussing it with K, I wasn't sure. He said he had to see what his school schedule would be like and that he would have to talk to G and S about it. The next week he explained that G and S said maybe and that they would also have to see what their schedules would be like. I was kind of annoyed. After all of the waiting I had to do while trying to form those other bands in college, I knew that I wanted to work with other musicians who were more willing to put in the time and effort. I didn't want to wait around for people anymore. Music is what I am passionate about. I have always known that I want to be a musician. I want to do this. I don't want to wait anymore because that will get me nowhere. I know I must be paitient. That success takes time and effort and that people don't really gain success over night. But I also know that this is what I want and that I'm tired of waiting for other people to decide they will be in a band only when it's convenient for them. We all have busy lives, but if we don't try, we won't succeed. I know plenty of people who are unhappy with their jobs. Who wish they could have done something differently to reach their professional goals. I honestly don't want that for myself. Music is what I want. I'm not going to compromise.

So I have decided that although I do enjoy jamming with K, G, and S, I must also find other musicians to jam with. Musicians who are more willing to commit to being in a band, creating practice schedules, and playing shows. I want to make it clear that I will continue to be in the band with K, G, and S, but that I would also like to start a new band just to see where it might take me. I have put out ads on craigslist a number of times over the past few months and I have actually gotten a good number of replies. I have talked back and forth with some of these musicians, but of course religion can get in the way sometimes. Although I am not the most observant Jew, I do observe the Sabbath and therefore will not practice or perform on Friday nights and Saturdays. This tends to turn people away, which is understandable considering those are two huge days for musicians. Still, I must continue to find other musicians to play with.

I have actually received a reply from a Jewish drummer in Chicago, let's just call him R. Although he is not observant, he understands where I am coming from and fully respects the fact that I will not play on Friday nights and Saturdays. He is older than I am, probably in his 30's or 40's I'm guessing, but we have talked back and forth a few times and from what I can tell, he actually seems very normal. He agreed to go through with any background checks I wish to perform and even told me a school where he works that I could notify if I wish to. I asked him a bunch of random questions and so far his answers have not given me any reason to worry. I ask the same type of questions to all musicians that reply to my ads and believe me I have met some interesting people. R seems like a normal family man who played in different bands for fifteen years. I don't know exactly what happened with those other bands, but he decided to get a different job to support his family. R says that he would like to make music his main profession again and that I can even bring my parents and/or friends with me when we meet if that would make me feel more comfortable.

So this is where I am now. I have agreed to meet with him possibly sometime next week for coffee. I'm very thankful that my best friend J agreed to go with me and I hope it will be a great experience. You must be thinking, "Are you insane?! How can you meet a complete stranger for coffee?!" Am I insane? Perhaps. But I've also realized that if you don't ever take chances, if you don't ever try, you won't ever succeed. You will have all these regrets. All of these shoulda, woulda, couldas on your mind. I have been trying for years and like I said, I always find myself waiting for others. Now I am taking new steps towards trying to make my dreams come true. I will hopefully try to write later this week and fill you in on all of the details.

Accepting Our Differences

I went to the museum today with my friend K and one of her children. K and I have been friends since we were young, probably around three years old. Over the past twenty or so years, K and I have had a lot of great times together and I am very thankful that we are still friends. We have also changed a lot throughout the years and although I know deep down we will always be friends, sometimes I just don't know. Growing up everything seems so easy. There are a lot of laughs and a lot of fun times to be thankful for. As you grow up and change it can be hard to stay close with certain friends. Every person is unique. People want different things, are exposed to different things, and hope to accomplish different things in life. There are still relationships we have with friends that will always last, no matter what the differences are, you know you will always be close with certain people. However, sometimes even the littlest differences seem so great that we feel we cannot hold on to the friendships we once had. This is sad. It is not always easy, but it's just a part of growing up.

This is kind of how things are with me and K. Like I said, I know deep down we will always be friends. Maybe it's because our families have been close for years and that is what keeps us together. It could because there is too much history between us to let our differences get in the way. Either way, there will always be some type of friendship there, even though we are not nearly as close as we used to be. Growing up we spent almost every day together. Things always seemed so perfect. Like I knew that no matter what I could always count on her to understand me and to support me. Things have gotten harder though. Our friendship is different because we are different. It's nobody's fault. That's just the way that life is sometimes. The problem is I feel like I am the only one who sees it. K does not seem to realize that we are growing apart. I am trying to hold on to what we once had because our families are still close and because I hope that maybe one day we can be as close as we once were. However, sometimes I wonder if that's even possible. Too much has happened and a lot of the time conversations between us become awkward. Sometimes I feel as though I am talking to a stranger. To somebody who does not understand me and support me. Sometimes this scares me. I wonder what happened to our friendship. This beautiful, too-good-to-be-true friendship in which everything seemed so comfortable and safe.

I know that people change, but does that mean that close friendships need to fade? Can't there be some way where we can still be close, accept our differences, and not let them come between us? Right now it feels like K and I are living on two separate planets. She has chosen to shelter herself and her family from certain things. Sometimes I feel like she's living in a bubble and it is hard to pop that bubble and get through to her. I know I am not perfect. I am not saying that I am, but I am accepting of other people. Like I said, everybody is unique. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. Why does this have to be a bad thing? Sometimes I feel like K is judging me. I know she doesn't mean to, perhaps she is not at all, but I listen to the way she speaks of people who are different from her, and sometimes it makes me sad. Either way, I know that we will stay friends and I hope that when I open up to her she can see that our differences make us who we are and that can be a good thing.

That Could Hurt!

Here's a random funny sign that came up when I was searching for something completely different on Google.

Say What?!

This summer I had a great internship at a music/event planning company. I spent most of the summer working with chilled out musicians in an office where the music never stops playing and everybody comes to work in jeans and a t-shirt. This was great for me because I am a musician and therefore I understand all of the random insanity that goes on in a music environment. For example, the fact that one singer or another is almost always practicing for a gig and therefore must randomly start singing at the top of his/her lungs, the last minute changes that occur with almost every gig, and of course, the interesting conversation topics that come up. Towards the beginning of the internship I decided to write down all of the funny stuff I overhear at the office so that I can share it with you guys. I know that some of the this stuff, or maybe all of it, might not be funny to you because you don't know the people who said it, but a lot of these comments are so random that it's just hilarious! Keep in mind that these are quotes that I heard my coworkers say/scream out of nowhere and they come from very relaxed artists and musicians who are not afraid to speak their minds at any moment. Here's a list of some of the funny stuff I overheard this summer.

1. Coworker 1: "Do you know that a sneeze is 1/16th of an orgasm?"
Coworker 2: "Is that why people like to sneeze so many times in a row?"

2. Coworker 1: "He bought a shirt that says, 'Ribbed for you Pleasure' on it and there's a slab or ribs on it."
Coworker 2: "Where did he buy it? Maybe from the dork t-shirt booth?"

3. Coworker 1: "I told my husband that your boyfriend bought his own rolling machine."
Coworker 2: "Yeah, I love to come home and see him rolling his own cigarettes."

4. Random guy yelling through the window: "Hello, fancy pants!"
Intern 1: "Who is that?!"
Coworker 1 to Coworker 2: "I think your husband's here."
Coworker 2 to Coworker 1: "Oh yeah, he decided he likes to call you fancy pants!"
Coworker 1: "I don't even know if I was wearing pants the day I met him"
Coworker 2: "Maybe your lace pants?"
Coworker 1: "Yes, I always wear my lace pants!"

5. Coworker 1: "And those were our headboards. I'm like where's the mirrors on the ceiling?!"

6. Coworker 1 talking on the phone: "I'm uncomfortable with it, but I've gotta move forward."
Coworker 2: "Do I want to know what that's about?!"

7. Coworker 1 screaming: "And so I basically said listen here you crazy right-winged nut!"

8. Coworker 1: "Are you talking to yourself?"
Coworker 2: "Yeah, I win more arguments that way. It's the whole controlled environment thing."

9. Coworker 1: "I know and nobody ever wins Pac Man. You just keep on eating these little dots. Munch, munch, munch!"

10. Coworker 1: "This song feels clubier."
Intern 1: "Hey, clubier?! Is that even a word?"
Coworker 1: "Just do it together...oomph! Everybody now...oomph!"

Well, I hope you found some of these random quotes funny. I'll definitely add more quotes if I find them.

Tales of Unemployment

Job searching can be a frustrating part of everyday life for the unemployed. Sifting through what seems like endless amounts of help wanted and "start your career now" advertisements can often times feel like trying to find your way out of the freaky House of Mirrors at a carnival. We, the unemployed begin to feel so worthless, so unwanted; that we find ourselves looking for jobs we would never even think of applying for. Our employed friends complain about their bosses, their co-workers, and their financial troubles due to low income. We complain about not getting hired for that part-time, non-paid internship we do not want, but do want just so we have something to add to our resumes. Although we cannot blame them, hey, we were once employed as well, and can therefore sympathize with them; we also might want to scream every time they complain.

I will be honest; it is not easy dealing with the frustrations of going to work everyday. At times, you might feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel. Everyday seems to feel like the same routine. Wake up before the sun, rush to work when you would really rather be in your pajamas, sleeping in your own bed; trying to stay awake through boring, pointless meetings, trying to not watch the clock every two minutes thinking, "When can I take my lunch break already?!"; hoping you do not cry when your boss piles on loads of work that he can do himself, but instead you know he is spending the afternoon searching his own name on Google; and finally trying to beat the traffic home. Yes, it can be hard, but at least those who are employed can say they get a paycheck. They can afford to pay their bills without worrying about having no money left over for food. I know it is not easy, but it is far better than being unemployed.

I have become so desperate when it comes to job searching that I find myself reading job postings for positions I am not even qualified for in the hopes that the employers might decide to consider me. I have looked at everything from "Amazing Dog-Walker" to "Gumball Machine Service Person". Although I do not own a dog and would rather not work with gumball machines, I send my resume hoping that somebody will hire me. Why does it have to be so hard to find a job in today's economy? Entrepreneurs everywhere are starting their own businesses, creating new markets for employment and inventing new types of technologies all the time, and yet, we still cannot find enough jobs for even half of the unemployed population. The worst part about all of this is that there is nobody to blame. The world of economic frustration, um, I mean, unemployment is cyclical and therefore cannot be prevented. So, for now, I will continue to search and sift my way through the endless job postings, and will hopefully find my way out of the House of Mirrors, even if I do have to walk dogs. Hey, I guess it is better than nothing.

O.k. I must admit. I do have an internship, and no it is not paid. Well, I guess I should be happy because I do get a stipend. The problem? I do like what I am doing. Although it is not something I would want to make a career out of, I am working in the music industry and therefore I get to work with a bunch of professional, yet very laid back, musicians. I know you are probably wondering what the problem is. Well, like I said, I do not really get paid and that stipend feels like nothing. You see psychologically I think, "I am making some money, therefore I can spend money", which is not really true. Every time I get a paycheck I put it towards my health insurance or paying off my student loans and I then I really am not making any money. I give away my paycheck plus other money I have saved up because like I said, I keep thinking that since I am making some money I will continue to get a paycheck. This is not true though. Spending your paycheck plus your savings does not mean you have more money. So in reality, I have less money now than when I was unemployed. Are you confused? I am as well. This is part of the reason I would like to quit my internship. Yes, after everything I said above about how unemployment stinks, I still want to quit my internship because really I have no money!

Wow, it feels good to get that out. I have continued to look for real paying positions so hopefully something will come up soon.